One snarky ass blog, comin' right up!
Let's face it... my life experiences are easily like the Grammy's. I've been nominated for each category and won the Grammy for each one. I'm not vain, I'm not cocky, I'm not complaining... I'm just stating the fucking facts. I'm tired.
All of you know about the five love languages. If not... google it. My love language is physical touch. Nothing gets me going like a good wholesome ass hug, awesome love making, a back rub (scratching the back also), etc. I'm so serious, it rocks my world. After having a baby, all of that changed. I went through a really really emotional and dark time. My husband is still trying to get me out of it... I am trying to get me out of it. Being a mom ain't easy, and being a dad ain't easy either.
I am a stay at home mom. If I got a job right now, literally my whole paycheck would go to childcare... DECENT childcare at that. In my household, we have 4 savage dogs (savage is an understatement. They are more like... fucking relentless), one tropical ass snake... and... a baby. *OH MY GOD THEY HAD TO ADD A BABY WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING?!* Okay... like I said, I'm tired.
Ever heard the term "when it rains, it pours." Well... please don't threaten my husband and I with a good time. Let me just explain why my husband and I decided to move away from Albuquerque: we put a lot of thought into it. Weighed out the pros and cons of this decision to move. We did it all. Turns out, it was NOT the best decision. In fact, it was the worst decision we've ever made. "Live and learn" that's what everyone says right? Well... I think we've learned our lesson, Universe. You can kindly stop pouring your bullshit on us now. Did I mention that I'm fucking tired?
I have acquired bags under my eyes big enough to fit a whole year's worth of groceries in, I've drank about as much coffee as my body will humanly allow, I have lost hairs on my head because apparently babies LOVE hair. Trying to keep up with house chores and laundry is a void subject. It does not exist. No heckin' way this house is going to be sparkling clean for more than one hour. I still keep at it like it's my job... OH WAIT... it IS my fucking job (I love my life, my son, and our zoo... don't get it twisted, fool). BUUUUUTTTT... I'm tired.
Back to the five love language bullshit... my point being, once you have had a baby, shit gets real. No more back scratches, very little to no hugs, tears will stream down your face and your mood becomes a hurricane (stage 5 to be exact). I have never enjoyed going #2 in my whole damn life as much as I do now... It really is like a mini vacation. Sorry for the blunt and forward information... Oh wait... NOT SORRY. It's the truth.
My party days have been over for a minute now, and I am truly loving my life *applause.* But when I see or suspect people doing shady party shit around my kid or anyone else's kids... Holy shit, I become one protective mama. I'm not a hypocrite, and I'm not a snitch. I'm a fucking mom, dumb asses! I can't tell you how much things change when you become a parent. I mean... your whole life changes. EVERYTHING. You learn to actually appreciate sacrificing certain things. I'm not a saint, either. I've definitely done some party shit that I am 100% not proud of... but that's not the point. The point is, I have a kid now, dammit. THAT IS A WHOLE DIFFERENT PARTY, FRIENDS.
Having a baby *a short story*
OWIEJ' SDPOK
S[P JF;AOWIEJF'AERP
A{eOBLs{LOB'XPAKB'XPB'[
;N
d'F; WTF?!?!?!
'
56656565654353131!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
They graduate high school, they turn 18, maybe go to college.
The End.
I'm not going to lie; I really enjoy the really really weird things and noises... I mean, my baby is the best baby ever to be born *said almost every mother and father.* It's true. Although I miss the days that my husband and I hugged all the time and made love and did all the cute "honeymoon" things... I truly love my life now. BUT I AM STILL ONE TIRED FUCKING MAMA. I can't speak for my husband... but I'm pretty sure he's tired too.
This blog is brought to you by an extra side of sass. Believe me, this is what tired does... #amiright ?
All of you know about the five love languages. If not... google it. My love language is physical touch. Nothing gets me going like a good wholesome ass hug, awesome love making, a back rub (scratching the back also), etc. I'm so serious, it rocks my world. After having a baby, all of that changed. I went through a really really emotional and dark time. My husband is still trying to get me out of it... I am trying to get me out of it. Being a mom ain't easy, and being a dad ain't easy either.
I am a stay at home mom. If I got a job right now, literally my whole paycheck would go to childcare... DECENT childcare at that. In my household, we have 4 savage dogs (savage is an understatement. They are more like... fucking relentless), one tropical ass snake... and... a baby. *OH MY GOD THEY HAD TO ADD A BABY WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING?!* Okay... like I said, I'm tired.
Ever heard the term "when it rains, it pours." Well... please don't threaten my husband and I with a good time. Let me just explain why my husband and I decided to move away from Albuquerque: we put a lot of thought into it. Weighed out the pros and cons of this decision to move. We did it all. Turns out, it was NOT the best decision. In fact, it was the worst decision we've ever made. "Live and learn" that's what everyone says right? Well... I think we've learned our lesson, Universe. You can kindly stop pouring your bullshit on us now. Did I mention that I'm fucking tired?
I have acquired bags under my eyes big enough to fit a whole year's worth of groceries in, I've drank about as much coffee as my body will humanly allow, I have lost hairs on my head because apparently babies LOVE hair. Trying to keep up with house chores and laundry is a void subject. It does not exist. No heckin' way this house is going to be sparkling clean for more than one hour. I still keep at it like it's my job... OH WAIT... it IS my fucking job (I love my life, my son, and our zoo... don't get it twisted, fool). BUUUUUTTTT... I'm tired.
Back to the five love language bullshit... my point being, once you have had a baby, shit gets real. No more back scratches, very little to no hugs, tears will stream down your face and your mood becomes a hurricane (stage 5 to be exact). I have never enjoyed going #2 in my whole damn life as much as I do now... It really is like a mini vacation. Sorry for the blunt and forward information... Oh wait... NOT SORRY. It's the truth.
My party days have been over for a minute now, and I am truly loving my life *applause.* But when I see or suspect people doing shady party shit around my kid or anyone else's kids... Holy shit, I become one protective mama. I'm not a hypocrite, and I'm not a snitch. I'm a fucking mom, dumb asses! I can't tell you how much things change when you become a parent. I mean... your whole life changes. EVERYTHING. You learn to actually appreciate sacrificing certain things. I'm not a saint, either. I've definitely done some party shit that I am 100% not proud of... but that's not the point. The point is, I have a kid now, dammit. THAT IS A WHOLE DIFFERENT PARTY, FRIENDS.
Having a baby *a short story*
OWIEJ' SDPOK
S[P JF;AOWIEJF'AERP
A{eOBLs{LOB'XPAKB'XPB'[
;N
d'F; WTF?!?!?!
'
56656565654353131!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
They graduate high school, they turn 18, maybe go to college.
The End.
I'm not going to lie; I really enjoy the really really weird things and noises... I mean, my baby is the best baby ever to be born *said almost every mother and father.* It's true. Although I miss the days that my husband and I hugged all the time and made love and did all the cute "honeymoon" things... I truly love my life now. BUT I AM STILL ONE TIRED FUCKING MAMA. I can't speak for my husband... but I'm pretty sure he's tired too.
This blog is brought to you by an extra side of sass. Believe me, this is what tired does... #amiright ?
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